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October 18, 2005
What's really important to me?
A couple months ago, I left a job that I disliked, moved to another state, and entered the supposedly blissful state called “retirement.” Here’s how it works: I stay as busy as ever, but I don’t go to an office every day and live by someone else’s schedule. On the other hand, nor do I receive a paycheck for said activity. I get to choose what hours I work, and when I complain about my idiot boss, it doesn’t help.
This change, which is a very large adjustment, has given me occasion to reflect on some priorities and values in my life. I am somewhat goal-oriented, and used to being a part of a team doing relatively important things. Now I am just me: a part of nothing immediately discernable. Does that really matter? Just what is it that is most important to me? What is it that, in the final analysis, I will not trade for something else? Is there anything that is non-negotiable?
Some years ago, I was reading in Genesis, and came to the account of Jacob wrestling all night with the “man” or “angel.” As I read the account, I was especially struck by Jacob’s statement afterward, “I have seen God face to face.”
Taking the account at face value, I began to ask what was special about Jacob and some others in the Old Testament, that they can experience God’s presence in visible form, and I cannot. And I became irritated and even perhaps jealous. If Jacob can see God, so can I. After all, he was no better than I am. I make a lot of mistakes and mess things up more than I want to or should, but so did he.
So, for some time, I have been wrestling with this idea, trying to understand the concept of seeing God face to face, to know what it might mean, and more importantly, how can I experience it.
I have come to understand that the phrase in Hebrew probably carried a sense of intimate knowing, of a relationship where two people can stand close, face-to-face, truly knowing each other. And that’s good, but it still leaves me with something I want but don’t have.
I recently began reading a Larry Crabb book, SoulTalk, where he writes about someone making a list of all the good things – things that are truly okay for a follower of Jesus to have – that he would like in his life. He lists good hot meals when he is hungry, a good bed to sleep in, a nice house. A late model car would be good. Perhaps other things, as the list of his “good life” equipment grows longer.
As the guy was checking his list again, God spoke to him. He said, “I will give you everything you want on that list. You can have it all, and in abundance. There’s only one condition: If you take them, you will never see my face.”
Crabb says the pain or discomfort you feel at thinking of this prospect is an indicator of the depth of your love for God.
I have been thinking about this, wondering. I am not generally driven by the urge to collect “stuff,” but I still like some nice things. I wouldn’t mind a nicer car, and a larger house. But the thought of never seeing God’s face stops me. Is that a price I am willing to pay? If I had the choice of living in a tent with shabby clothes and beans to eat, but knowing the face of God, or living in luxury and never seeing him, what would I do?
It’s a hard question. But it’s one that we face far more often than we realize. What's really important to me?
Posted by Larry Baden at October 18, 2005 10:58 AM
Comments
Your unsolicited remarks moved me. God has blessed us so much recently in our household and yet I am uneasy. I am afraid I might miss something. There have been a lot of struggles lately and it is hard to resist the temptation to conclude these blessings are a reward. And if they are ... how sad. If this is my reward then will I miss out later ... in eternity? Or as you say worse, miss an encounter with the almighty. I can't help but wonder if the point of Jacob's encounter is something along the line of we can only truly see God in our struggles with him over our competing wills. I am probably over simplifying this issue.
Lawrence
Posted by: Lawrence Northeast at October 18, 2005 10:31 PM
I think it's essential that we take inventory from time to time and see if there is anything in our lives that has become more important to us than God. The thing is, I think most of us would initially say, "nope, nothing is more important," and "sure, I'd give up the car," because we know that's how we should feel. But it's easy to think that until we are actually faced with a real choice. And we aren't faced with such choices that often. Can a person actually be well off and still know God? I think so. Abraham was rich, and he had dinner with Him. But we know that when Abraham did have to choose, he chose God's will over his own.
And I think that's the key. Rich or poor, well or sick, slave or free, when we have to choose between God's will and our own, that tells us what matters most to us. And in my experience, we are so inconstant that our answers to these little questions can change daily. I'm glad it's God's faithfulness that I have put my trust in and not my own.
L
Posted by: LKH at October 19, 2005 01:52 PM
