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November 03, 2005
Is There a Santa Claus? A Scientific Analysis
1. No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not completely rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has seen.
2. There are an estimated 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn’t – apparently – handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – a mere 378 million, according to the Population Census Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there is at least one good child to each home.
3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west, which seems logical. This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each ‘Christian’ household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get into the sleigh, and move on to the next house.
Assuming that these 91,800,000 stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but which for purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .76 miles per household, a total trip of 75,500,000 miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means that Santa’s sled is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times faster than the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4. The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting the ability of ‘flying reindeer’ (see point 1) to pull perhaps ten times the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight or even nine. We need more. Actually, we need 214,191 more, or a total of 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,420 tons. Again, for comparison, this is four times the weight of the ocean liner Queen Elizabeth.
5. This 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, which will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14,300,000,000,000,000,000 (14.3 quintillion) joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will almost instantaneously burst into flames, exposing the reindeer behind them, who will repeat the process, and they will also create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to acceleration forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion, if Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.
Posted by Larry Baden at November 3, 2005 10:26 PM
Comments
Santa is deeply misunderstood.
1. All the visual details are mythological; e.g. flying reindeer, red suit, riding in a sleigh, going down chimneys, snacks. Each culture has understood the details in accordance with their own culture. Santa's suit, for example, was never red until U.S. commercial culture Coca Cola changed the myth. Before this, Santa's suit was always green.
2. Myths are not necessarily false if understood as story. Myths exist as (usually fictional) stories explaining observable facts. Those with no better explanation for lightning might come up with a story about someone pounding swords in the sky.
3. An actual fact exists to be explained. In the earlier example, lightning actually exists. It might not be lightning right now, but at some point it has and will again.
4. What we have not realized is that the phenomena of Santa actually exists in the same sense as lightning. Santa explained phenomena might not exist right now, but has and might again.
5. The scientific analysis of the myths surrounding someone in the sky pounding swords would appear ridiculous. But no amount of scientific foolery will convince anyone that lightning does not exist.
6. The myth exists to explain the phenomenon of all children, in one day, receiving a gift from an unknown person.
Conclusion:
Our technologically advanced world cannot understand how any phenomena could exist that needed the Santa story for explanation. How could it be possible that all children in the entire world could receive presents from an unknown person? Surely, no one could do it.
Answer: If each adult were to give one present on Christmas to a few unknown children, then the very phenomenon would exist. All children within any timezone would receive presents from an unknown person within an hour. In other words, each one of us could be Santa.
The story of Santa explains how all these children got a present in one night from someone who had no interest in doing so. And maybe in a different world there was a need for this myth to explain an actual phenomenon--just like the lightning story.
While there are always exceptional people, the fact is, on the whole, our world is full of people who would never give anything to someone they did not know. Most people have no reason in their hearts to give up anything of value to a child they do not know. Many people are of such a selfish heart that we should consider ourselves very smart in not trusting a stranger who gave our child presents.
Santa is now a social commentary on the fall of mankind. Santa reminds us that science is shallow because it cannot possibly understand why people would give to without somehow getting something in return. Santa reminds us that social science lacks all faith and hope because it immediately dreams up child abusers who give candy as bait.
Real love is not assumed possible by our advanced know-it-all world. And so we cannot understand Santa as anything more than what is manufactured by Coke or remembered from a sentimental Norman Rockwell painting.
I believe Santa was once a gateway to believing in God because people needed a better reason to explain why complete strangers would love others. Jesus gave the greatest reason why people would give to one another without return. Perhaps Jesus gave the only real reason. But our world is so focused on information that Santa has become the scapegoat of disbelieving in God. Children of technology feel lied to about the information regarding the source of their profit and so they as adults distrust the motives and reality of a real God who offers an undeserved gift.
What is amazing about the Santa myth is not the flying sled or the deer or the timeframe. What is amazing is that there was somebody out there who experienced some event that actually required such an amazing tale. Santa means Saint. And even now most people use the term saint to mean someone of moral excellence. And yet Christians are all to be saints. How interesting that the Santa story is about a man we unthinkingly call Saint on Christ's birthday.
Maybe their world didn't have a lot of hope for mankind either if it required such a tale. I think all we can do is bring out the Saint in each of us a little more by giving to those who will give nothing in return. If we all did that for just a couple children on Christmas, then that would baffle people more than the original Santa story. But I doubt anyone would trust it at first.
Red
Posted by: RedMark at November 4, 2005 10:20 AM
Red,
You make some good points, but miss the important fact that the entire post was intended as humor, written by someone who obviously had too little to do.
Posted by: Avi at November 4, 2005 03:52 PM
I think that you both are getting a lump of coal in your stockings this year. :P
Posted by: TomO at November 4, 2005 09:51 PM
I think we've just met Santa--or one of his representatives (elves)--and his name is Tom.
Posted by: RedMark at November 5, 2005 11:10 AM
YOU HAVE NOW RUINED MY DREAMS!!!
Posted by: lozzz at November 7, 2005 11:17 AM
The Night Jesus Met Santa Claus
A rumbling noise came through the roof, the sound was as if snow met hoof
And he grabbed his sack and went down the chimney
He rolled on out across the floor, and there he stood, before the Lord
And a voice said I’m Jesus Christ, do you know me?
He said my name is Santa Claus, he scratched his head and took a pause
And said, “No I don’t, but let me check my list”
Well I’ve checked my list, I’ve checked it twice
And I don’t see any Jesus Christ
This has never happened before, I’ve never missed.
Then Jesus said “Just hold on there, you mean to tell me standing there
That no one ever told you about Me?”
Santa stared and shook his head, and stood there in his coat of red
He said, “It’s mostly children that talk to me”.
(Chorus)
The night Jesus met Santa Claus , they sat down face to face
Jesus told Old St. Nick about His love and grace
And Jesus said hey Santa, it’s not by works alone
You see it’s you who must believe in Me, if I’m to take you home
You see no one ever took the time to tell Santa about the great divine
They were all to busy askin’ him for favors
And Jesus nodded His head, for He knew just what Santa meant
Then Santa knelt at the feet of his Savior
I forgive you for My own sake, what a fine disciple you would make
With your popularity and your lightning speed
In a hurry you could give, the children no matter where they live
Something good, that they really need.
(2nd Chorus)
The night Jesus met Santa Claus, they sat down face to face
And Jesus told old St. Nick, about His love and grace
Jesus said “Hey Santa your intentions all were fine
But please go tell the children, all about Mine.”
“Now I’ll go take these presents back
But Jesus said “look in your sack”
And when Santa did there were bibles wall to wall
Jesus said “give these away, for this is My holiday
Now dash away Santa, dash away all”
Santa said before I leave, You need to know I now believe
This all makes sense, and I feel that it’s true
Then Santa said with all his heart, I will make a brand new start
And he told Jesus, “I believe in you!”
The night Jesus saved Santa Claus, and told him of His grace
A bright new shiny smile rolled across the big man’s face
And Jesus said ‘Hey Santa, love the children, love them all”…
For Jesus gave Santa, the greatest gift of all
…And as Santa, sailed away, he said “Jesus, by the way…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”
Posted by: Rob at November 27, 2005 05:41 PM
You know what you just ruined my dreams too Danta does exist and they are right your going to get a bag of coal this year you just wait and see.You are a mean one Mr.Grinch ni doubt aught
Posted by: aurelia at December 22, 2005 12:20 PM
You made a big mistake (Mr.)Santa is real because he drinks the milk that we put out every Christmas. My mom gets sick if she drinks milk.My dad only drinks milk in his coffe.My sister doesn`t drink milk at night.And my brother only drinks milk in his protein shakes.And I am fast asleep.+ Santa delivers presents in 1 day (24 hours).While we are awake on Christmas Eve day Santa is delivering presents to children on the other side of the world.And on this side of the world, when we are asleep he delivers presents to us and on the other side of the world they are opening their presents and any way alot of people celebrate Kwanza and Haniuka instead of Christmas Day and Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.So tell me now how Santa Claus isn`t real.Hu!Hu!
Abbey
Posted by: Abbey Mckee at December 24, 2005 04:01 PM
I think you're right, Abbey. You can't argue with disappearing milk, right? Just goes to show that the scientists don't know everything. Thanks for setting it straight for us.
Posted by: Avi at December 24, 2005 05:21 PM
Santa Claus should not be taken into a scientific anaylasis that you can deeply think about over a nice dinner in your dining room. Santa is meant to be a symbol and an archetype for people around the world and a symbol for Jesus Christ. He is not scientific or of the world. He is very giving and loving and even though he may not exist he is a VERY good symbol of how and what we should be.
Posted by: sunny at March 15, 2006 10:26 PM
